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It's Not About Me

The last few months have been a whirlwind for me and my husband - the good and the bad and the wonderful all rolled up together. We traveled to Ireland to see family. We walked through some serious illness with family members. We began training for a marathon. We suffered injury. We visited amusement parks and beaches. We worked long hours. We played long hours. The summer is almost finished, and we can't believe how quickly it flew by.

One of the most important moments of this summer was the Alliance International Ministries Summer Fire Conference. Wayne and I previously applied to receive our credentials from AIM, and at the conference we received our official ministerial ordination. The momentous occasion included the laying on of hands and the "release" in the Spirit into a new place of ministry and effectiveness for God. It was AMAZING.

11 years ago, when Wayne and I got married, some of my single friends asked me if things felt 'different' now that we were married. The answer was a pronounced YES! During the marriage ceremony, Wayne and I knew that something intangible had happened, and where we were previously two, we were now one. Something had happened in the Spirit; a change that we couldn't describe, but couldn't ignore.

After our AIM ordination ceremony last month, someone jokingly asked us if we felt 'different' now. To our surprise, the answer was the same pronounced YES! Something intangible had happened, and we felt closer to God, more part of His plans and purposes, more able to be used by Him. We felt released to be more effective for Him, more a part of His kingdom on earth. One of the things that I felt specifically was the release to go to the nations for Him. How exciting!

Wouldn't you know it, 3 days later, we were on a plane to Ireland! We had a visit scheduled to see Wayne's family and to spend a week on holiday. My joy and exhilaration were abundant as the airplane ride started. I kept thinking about how this flight would be just one of many in my future! Yippee!!!

Except...

Sometimes, when I fly, I have problems with my ears. Occasionally, the pain is severe. This time, the pain was so bad, so agonizing, I couldn't stop sobbing. It felt as though someone was stabbing my ear drums with an ice pick. I thought my ears were going to burst. I was surprised they weren't bleeding. I was gripping the armrests, moaning and crying and rocking back and forth. It was unbearable.

Even after we landed, the pain didn't stop. I couldn't hear out of my left ear at all, and I couldn't make out any soft noises in either ear. I couldn't judge my own volume while talking. For days, as my ears resumed normal pressure, I would get shooting pains that caused me to shout out loud.

And do you know what I was thinking all the while? I was thinking, "Really, God? Really?"

Here I am, all excited and interested and super-psyched, and ready to see the nations brought to Jesus, and my very next flight was utter agony. Really, God? How can this be Your plan?

In my dismay, I sent an email to my sister and asked her why God would release me to see the world, and not heal me from my terrible ear pain. And her response stopped me in my tracks. She said, "Because God isn't bothered by our pain."

That sounds harsh. And in a way, it isn't even accurate. After all, God cares very deeply for our pain and all that concerns us. But, He sees our pain very differently than we do. We try to avoid pain and discomfort at all costs. He tells us that pain and suffering is a gift. A GIFT! He tells us that the pain we suffer for His sake is part of being His heir. And yet we spend almost every moment of our lives attempting to ward off suffering.

God didn't tell me that traveling to see the nations would be easy. He didn't even tell me that I would survive it. He did tell me to do it. So regardless of my suffering, I will obey. And here's the best part. IN THAT OBEDIENCE, in the midst of the suffering, there HE will be glorified.

And it's actually all about HIM and HIS glory. It's not about me at all.

It's not about my ears, or my pain, or my plans. It's not about my dreams, or my desires, or my needs. It's about HIM and HIS GLORY. And if my purpose in His kingdom is something less pleasant than I would have preferred, then so be it. It isn't about me at all.

Meet    
    Cory

Messy Hospitality
Hit the Ground... Waltzing
Where Have I Been? (Living Without Hope)
Confessions of an Imperfect Christian Mom
He Was With Me

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