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Midnight Musings

I am awake in the middle of the night, with anxious questions running through my head. I removed myself from bed as a courtesy to my husband, and am writing now in an attempt to apply Peace to the storm brewing in my mind.

Side note: I just LOVE the Middle-of-the-Night God. He's no different from the During-the-Day God, except that (for me) He's clearer and easier to hear. He often wakes me up, with a gentle stirring and a whisper of "Come away with Me." He uses the midnight quiet, the lack of distractions and agendas, to get my full attention at last. And I, being a stubborn and resistant human, am sometimes irritated and resentful of the lack of sleep.

*Sigh*.

The Creator of the Universe wants my attention, and all I want is my pillow.

But tonight, through no act of my own obedience, my full attention is His. There is nowhere else to go with my restless thoughts. (Where could I turn but to His presence?)

I am seeking Him for answers - specific solutions to the problems at hand. What should we do, God? How can we fix this? The situation is real. Very important things and people are dependent upon the resolution of these issues. I need a response, God.

And this is where I falter.

Because He doesn't usually answer me in specifics. It's not that He doesn't answer me. He does. It's just that, normally, His answer doesn't seem to have ANYTHING to do with what I'm asking about.

In fact, last time I turned to Him in desperation for a specific problem, He ended up giving me some revelation through the book of Haggai that had NOTHING to do with the situation I was in. (It was a fascinating revelation however that has already become a sermon, and will likely soon become a blog post as well.)

It seems as though the more specifically I try to pin Him down, the more He answers me in a non-specific way.

He's not like this with everyone else. He answers my husband's questions all the time. I have a friend who says that she asks God what to wear and He tells her. If I asked God what to wear, He'd likely tell me to love my neighbor.

Why is that?

Truthfully? I think the reason that God doesn't answer my specific questions is that I don't give Him enough chances to speak to me.

I mean, I'm so busy; so running-through-my-day-without-a-second-to-spare-busy, that I barely stop to say a quick pre-dinner meal prayer. And I can just picture God with a huge heart of things He wants to communicate to me all throughout my day, and I'm too hurried to stop and talk to Him. So it stands to reason that when I am finally desperate enough to give Him my full attention, and I ask Him the deep questions on my heart, He speaks what has been on HIS heart to say all along.

And hearing from God is ALWAYS a good thing.

So even when His words don't directly relate to my question, after He speaks, I am always more at peace and more fulfilled as a result. And I walk away knowing that He is God, He is in control, and my circumstances are in His hands.

Even when I don't know how they will all turn out.

And I think that He uses my turmoil and my concern as springboards to thrust me back into His presence, seeking Him and inquiring of Him once again.

So tonight, even as I write, knowing that He hasn't given me a specific answer to these important questions, I am already better off then before I started asking. Because He's been whispering to me all the while I've been writing. And He's been saying, "It's better to be a door-keeper in my house than to take your fate upon yourself."

And I don't know how that relates to the problems at hand, but it sure is true. And I can see a picture of myself, faithfully attending to the door of the house of God. And it makes me smile.

And the words to a song I used to sing as a little girl are 'suddenly' running through my head.

One thing I ask of the Lord. One thing. To dwell in His house. And He's reminded me that I am doorkeeper.

So, in peace,  I'm going back to bed.

Meet    
    Cory

Messy Hospitality
Hit the Ground... Waltzing
Where Have I Been? (Living Without Hope)
Confessions of an Imperfect Christian Mom
He Was With Me

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